LASIK, day 1

I survived! I can see! Sorta.

In the interest of science, I will describe how the day went. I looked for blogs of people describing their LASIK experience, and it helped me prepare mentally for what was going to happen. So now it’s my turn.

11:00: Got to eye doctor’s office, checked in, paid eye-watering (see what I did there?) amount and sat down with my mom and Larry. Fortunately, there was an adorably smiley child in the waiting room to distract me.

11:10: Got called back. First thing I got was 10mg of Xanax or Valium or something. I knocked that puppy back with no hesitation. I hoped it would be enough.

I spent the next half hour doing tests on my eyes. At the end, I was sat in an exam chair while I waited for the doctor to finish my exam. I could definitely feel the meds kick in at this point. Niiiice. My hands were kinda funny.

Finally, the doctor came in and did some last measurements. He then put some numbing drops in my eyes and pulled a marker out of sterile packaging. And then he DREW ON MY EYEBALL. Afterwards, he invited me to look at the two black dots on the whites of each eye. I wish I’d taken a picture.

Then I was led back into THE ROOM. The room, which, by the way, had viewing windows. When I was first taken back, I was sat in a chair with a full view of the room. There was a guy laying on the exam table. Thank god my glasses had already been taken away so I couldn’t see anything.

They asked if my mom and Larry wanted to watch…I said probably not. I’ll bet George was regretting not going now, though!

I laid down and they gave me some stress balls to squeeze. Soon enough, The doctor was sitting at my head. He taped my eye lashes up and out of the way, and then put something on my eye, I guess to keep them open. Then he put a circular suction device on my eye, which was a bit disconcerting, but I’d read about it, so I was prepared. He called for suction, and gradually, everything went black. Fine by me!

I was rotated so my head was under the first machine. I am guessing this was the laser that created the flap (shudder.) That only took a few seconds, and during this part, I could see white with tiny specks of color. It was really pretty, actually.

I think they removed the suction device thing after that, because I could kind of see what I imagine was the flap flapping around. It kind of looked like being underwater. Thank god for Valium. And that I couldn’t feel anything.

Then I was rotated under the other machine, the one that was going to do the real work. I was supposed to look at a red light. That damn red light kept moving, I swear. I felt like my eye was all over the friggin place. It took 43 seconds, which passed pretty quickly. I expressed my concern to the doctor that my eye was flailing around, but he assured me the machine tracks the movements and if it gets too crazy, it shuts down. He said I did great.

I think they put a contact on my eye at the end, but I might have been imagining that.

Photo Oct 21, 1 16 06 PMAnd rinse and repeat for the other eye.

When it was done, I was told to sit up slowly. The formerly blurry room was mostly in focus. I could see that the printer was a Canon. Everything was pretty hazy, but I was told that was normal.

Had a little exam after it was over, and then I got some goofy shields taped over my eyes. Was ordered to go home, take an Ambien, and sleep. So that’s what I did. No walruses appeared, thank goodness.

This morning, I woke up, removed the goofy eye covers, and I can see! Mostly. It’s still a bit hazy, but I expect that will improve.

Yay for seeing!

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It’s LASIK day!

Today is the last day I’ll wear glasses or contacts*. For the last 26 years I’ve worn some kind of corrective lenses.

When I was young, I had excellent vision. And then some time in middle school, it started getting bad, fast. But I was bullied in middle school, and there was no way in hell I was going to voluntarily wear glasses until I got out of that place. So the summer after eighth grade, I finally told my mom that I was having trouble seeing, and I got my first pair of glasses.

It was magical! Everyone talks about seeing the moon clearly for the first time, and it really is the coolest thing. About a year later, I got contacts – gas permeable because of my astigmatism. And also because I was too squeamish to touch my eyeball. All I had to do was pull on my corner of my eye and *pop*, out it would fly. (For better or for worse. I lost a lens at Mardi Gras one year when a bead hit me in the face.)

Okay, seriously, we don’t need to go through my entire eye history. I’m just glad I won’t have to wear contacts or glasses anymore. Even though I do like my glasses, kind of. I stopped wearing contacts regularly when I started working for Automattic, and now my face is going to seem weirdly blank without them. Ah, I’ll get used to it.

I really wish they did general anesthesia for this. I am not at all looking forward to all the things I’ve read they do during the procedure. That eye squeamishness is still there, even though I started wearing soft lenses some time ago. But everyone I’ve talked to said it’s no big deal, it’s over fast, and listen, if I can deal with major surgery and a triplet pregnancy, I can deal with a few minutes of discomfort.

See you on the flip side! (Pun completely totally intended. Obvs.)

*Yes, I know, I’ll have to wear reading glasses one day soon. And maybe real glasses. Just indulge me in this fantasy.